Week 6 - Releasing and Learning to Fly
Some will argue that a little bird will learn to fly naturally and some insist that it's due to nurture. Maybe it's both?
While last week the lesson of this journey was about allowing grieving to exist, moving into a place of self-love and letting my inner child have her day, it wouldn't end there. Instead, as is consistent with every next step down this new path I have committed to, this week brings the ensuing step in obtaining personal freedom. Release. Or, should I say leaping out of the nest, letting my natural resources AND self-love be trusted in my safe flight?
One thing that I haven't shared yet is that I have had some bizarre dreams. Awake and asleep, I see a recurring theme. My fear of heights aside, I continually see me falling from a tall building. Very tall. At times I wonder if I am falling, or tempting the fate of my abilities. I will say that every time I see this in my mind's eye, I stop mid-air not far from where my feet left the safety of the rooftop. Even when I take some time to watch an episode on Netflix, conveniently consisting of drone shots over a city and it's tall buildings, I would get dizzy. Strange? Maybe not.
I decided to research it, and although there is always going to be an open forum for debating the meaning of dreams, one thing is consistent in everything I found. Falling from a building, no matter the reason, is about dying from who I once was, allowing the newest and best version of myself to come to life. So, busting through the fear that is inevitable with even a proverbial dive off the top of a building, I kept my heart and mind open, allowing myself to witness the message that would guide me through the next phase of the journey. Release.
Deep in my heart, I knew what it was that had to be released. But, like anyone else, I was choosing to ignore the loud and clear signs that this nagging part of my life had to go. I also realized that I was choosing to ignore the signs that presented to remind me that to be where I want and become a better version of myself, I had to align myself with what it was that I was seeking. To do that, I would have to let go of a part of my life that is quite huge. At least to me. A portion of my life that I allowed becoming what defined me.
It wasn't easy. Not at all. This was an aspect of my human self and life that I have invested years and a shit ton of money into, and I know that most people would look at me and ask "Are you crazy? Are you out of your mind?" My answer is "I don't think so." I know all too well what it means to consider a portion of my life comparable to walking through the gates of Hell. I also know that it's an experience that I will avoid at all cost. There is nothing more undesirable to me than living a life like a wheel spinning hamster that was a result of selling off a part of my authenticity, My soul.
It's not easy to stay where you are when you know that it's wrong for you. But, often it's easier than facing the unknown. We feel obligated to stay because the alternative is to admit that we were wrong, wounded or failed. The amount of time spent in that existence can never be gotten back, and that can be a hard pill to swallow. But, as I said, I would rather walk away, take the experience with me as I continue the journey of personal freedom.
To take the story to a level that can be described as running all three bases, watching the movement of all players on the field, and dashing for a slide across the home plate, I need to share with you what happened next.
A tad bit of background...Over the past few months, I have been not always patiently been waiting for a connection with an organization and group of people to come to fruition. A connection that I instinctively know will be of great value on my journey of life. One that presented itself, and for reasons unknown to me, went into a hiding space. I could have easily followed up a few times and chalked it up to a lost cause. That would be a typical reaction, but I chose to push forward and not give up. Sticking with the innate feeling that it was where I was meant to go and that it would take my career and life journey to a whole new level, I was more persistent than I have been in the past. I honestly started to believe that I would get an email asking me to stop the nagging.
As the divine motion of the Universe would have it, within a couple of hours of releasing what was holding me down, I received a call with news that I wasn't being ignored. I was on hold until the connection was ready to come to life. No kidding. That was the news. My response? "Of course. Believe me; I respect that." I decided that although very exciting, I wouldn't allow the evidence of a greater power be overwhelming in any way. Instead, to accept it as it is. Natural.
So, being perfectly human, because I am, I catch myself looking forward. Honestly, I have no idea. I could try to imagine, but I don't want to spoil the experience. Am I curious? You bet I am. But, I will be patient. Besides, as this 90-day journey to personal freedom has shown me every step of the way, the next phase is only a week away.
By the way...the dreams of falling from a tall building have since stopped. No dreams of falling or jumping, whether awake or asleep and no ill feelings when watching a video shot from a drone. I'd like to say that I can't wait to see what happens next week, but I think this time I will just let it unfold in its natural way.
Until next week...