Expectation Is The Root Of All Heartache

You’ve heard #3 of the 4 Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz, “Don’t make assumptions”.  True, this is an integral part of having the freedom to be your best you.  But isn’t there a part of you that believes that it’s inevitable.  Well, that part of you is right.  It is inevitable.  That’s how we are built.  We are an amazing species, whose minds are built in a way that demands explanation and in response a summation to the direction of what makes sense to each of us individually.  Otherwise, how could we move from one moment to the next without stumbling all over ourselves?  

All the while, you live your life with people all around you.  Some making demands on you.  Setting expectations that you agree to, which is completely reasonable, without even knowing what those expectations are.  Not really.  You’re relationship with your employer is a perfect example of that.  The hiring process and contract that followed was pretty clear about what you would do and what you would be paid.  While there are expectations on you to perform, you have expectations that you will be paid.  

We live in a world that expectations are the norm and it’s reasonable that we adopt the same approach throughout our very busy lives.  Particularly when it comes to fulfilling our desire to be appreciated.  Everybody wants to feel appreciated.  It lends to our ability to feel loved, worthy, and desired.  Isn’t it nice to hear the words “Thank You” or “I love you too”?  

We know that we can’t (and shouldn’t) try to crawl into the mind of another and presume to have a complete understanding of what they are thinking.  What their motives are.  Still, we are disappointed and even confused when someone doesn’t follow the etiquette of returning phone calls or responding to emails.  A pretty simple example of what we might do and consider it to be a normal practice amongst the masses.  

I’m guilty.  I have a personal policy that if I say I am going to do something, I do it.  It boggles my mind when I don’t receive the same courtesy.  I have to remind myself that this “honorable” axiom is something that is important to me for my own reasons, and although integral to someone else, may not be as high on the list of “What I stand for” requirements.  Even more importantly, the how and why it was ranked in the first place.  I have to remind myself of what I am receiving by living to my standards, and that I am more than enough to myself to feel loved, worthy and desired.  

There is more to what you expect from someone, and that is something that is most likely about you.  Just because someone didn’t say thank you to you doesn’t mean that they don’t feel gratitude.  More importantly, to what degree they are personally capable.  

Remember that there is at least two reasons that you do what you do.  Not only to fill the cup of another, but to fill your own.  So, if hearing the words “Thank You” or “I love you” is that important to you (and it should be), then why not take on the practice of saying them to yourself?  Wasn’t it you that put forth the effort to fill their cup, so as to fill your own?

Until next time...


Leigh Burton